I'm Getting the Hang of This!

As I've mentioned before, I've been really trying to work on healing in a more balanced way. Before I would work on dealing with emotions one week, vaginismus work another week, and so on and so forth. The only problem with this is that all the different "layers", as I like to call them, are interconnected. Now that I'm taking a different approach, I'm able to work on things more consistently. Because of this, my vaginismus progress has been coming along very nicely!

Last weekend, I decided that I wanted to try penetration again. I prepared by using my dilator when I took a shower that morning. This time I used it while standing up, which actually felt like a small achievement for me.  When I first started using tampons, I had to actually lay on the floor to be able to insert one. It took a while, but eventually I was able to insert one standing up, which is especially help should I need to deal with it at work, a public restroom, etc. So I think by being able to insert the dilator by standing up, it is a sign that I am becoming more comfortable with the whole thing.

Later that night, when Aaron started to enter me, I initially fell back into my old habits. I made it very mechanical, focusing on my end goal of trying to relax my muscles enough to allow him in. Since that is the only thing I had been doing for the past three years, it's pretty obvious that it doesn't work so well. I realized this fairly quickly, and tried using what worked so well last time. I closed my eyes and went to my happy place. I sensed light coming from the lamp on my night stand and thought about the feel of the sun on my face. I relaxed quickly and the rest went well. So well, in fact, that we had a repeat performance the next night!

We don't usually do much during the week. Aaron is exhausted from school, we both have homework and other things to deal with. So weekends are when we really relax. Yesterday, we were able to have intercourse yet again!

Pure Romance's "Just Like Me" is THE BEST  we've used!

Normally, we use a healthy does of personal lubricant to help things along. One time, a couple years ago, I was really "revved up" and managed to do without. This hasn't happened again - until last night. I was really "revved up" again, and Aaron went ahead and started to enter me. Normally, I am very in control, and guiding him manually. This time I pretty much let him do it all. It was a little uncomfortable at first, because I was a bit startled, but then I was able to relax. And THEN, we were able to switch positions several times! While this may not seem significant to someone, I'm usually too afraid that he is going to slip out of me and we'll have to start all over again, so we stay in one position the whole time. Being able to move around some more was very exciting! I feel a bit like a newlywed in that I'm so ecstatic that we're having sex! ;-)

I predict Happy Holidays are ahead. ;-)

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