Survivors' Retreat

This past weekend, I had an opportunity to attend a survivors' retreat in Nashville, IN. It was from Friday to Saturday afternoon, and the hotel and meals were paid for. It sounded like a great opportunity! I didn't really want to go by myself, so I asked around a bit, and my friend Melissa agreed to come with me.

I picked her up on Friday and we started the 2 hour drive south. We were both excited for some girly bonding time, and for some time of healing and inspiration. We talked the whole 2 hours which made the trip go by really quickly. 

Does not do it justice in the least!

I had never been to Nashville, but I heard it was really nice. We drove through downtown and I fell in love! It is packed to the gills with little shops and restaurants, run by the friendliest folks you could imagine (the tourists were another story). It was all decorated for Christmas, and even had carolers roaming the streets. Santa was seated outside the visitor's center for photo opportunities. 

The first order of business was lunch. We found some free parking (there is actually quite a bit of it) and started the walk around town to decide where we wanted to eat. A couple blocks away from the car, I suddenly remembered the Chicago incident. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to Melissa. I was a tiny bit panicked and told her we HAD to know EXACTLY where we had parked. Thankfully she was familiar with the Chicago incident and was very understanding! We took note of exactly where we were, and she reminded me that we were in Nashville and it was MUCH smaller than Chicago, and it does not have parking garages. After that I felt better and was able to laugh it off.

We had lunch at a cute little restaurant called "That Sandwich Place". We found the car again, without incident, and drove to the hotel where the retreat was to be held. On the way,  we both agreed that it seemed odd that we didn't get anymore information about the retreat other than the initial flyer, but I reassured Melissa that I had gotten it from a reputable source, so I wasn't too concerned. Both of us like to know what to expect and are a bit detail oriented, so it was a bit uncomfortable to feel like we were walking in blind, but we were sure it would all be fine. We found the hotel easily, and made our way to the conference rooms to see what the deal was. They told us to get checked into our rooms first, and then they would give us the information. Fine. We did that and then they gave us our itinerary.

The before and after photo Allen shared with us. And this
is relevant how?

The first 2 hours were supposed to be the welcome and opening remarks by Allen Smith, who was a contestant on Season 8 of the Biggest Loser. It seemed like a strange choice, but I figured there would be some kind of connection or tie-in to sexual assaulted. Allen was very nice and a great speaker. However, his talk seemed completely irrelevant. He never once spoke about sexual assualt, survivors of ANYTHING, women's issues, etc. He never talked about how taking care of yourself through health and fitness could be beneficial for dealing with deeper issues. He mostly talked about the TV show. I don't know how the other guests felt, but I was confused and disappointed. Melissa and I went to dinner after that. The second we got in the car, we realized that we both had the same reaction - "What the heck was that?!" We talked about it over dinner, but I kept trying to convince myself to stop being so negative, and that surely the breakout sessions would have more substance. 

I was wrong. When we went back to the conference rooms, we had a choice between a spa session and a self defense demonstration. We were already leery of the self defense because it was titled "Rape Prevention". We felt like the wording they chose was very poor and implied that victims could have prevented their rape. So we chose the spa. We expected them to talk about taking time for yourself and pamper yourself and how that can be therapeutic. Instead it was a direct-selling beauty consultant allowing us to sample products similar to Mary Kay's Satin Hands. She even had some products set out to buy and offered someone a price sheet. We waited a few minutes to see if there was going to be more to it, and finally gave up to go to "Rape Prevention". 

Does this seem intense to you?

I sensed that Melissa was feeling hesitant about this session, and I should have been more sensitive right then and there. But we went in anyway to see what it was all about. It started with the instructor explaining her philosophy and how she does the class. Normally it is about a 3 hour ordeal, but she had to condense it for the purposes of the session. Bad idea. She also said that she always starts with the "worst case scenario". Basically, this means that you lay on the floor and the man in the protective gear kneels between your knees as if though "rape is imminent". Most of the women in that room are survivors of some kind of sexual assault. It was a very tense situation. The next day, my shoulders were sore from being so tensed up. At one point, Melissa tried to voice her concerns to the instructor about how she felt about somethings. I don't think she felt like she understood. A moment later I could see that she was visibly upset. Once there was an opening, she bolted out the door. I saw one of the women that organized the retreat follow her. I found out later that when Melissa spoke to her, the woman told her that she needed to "work through her feelings". When Melissa told her that the retreat was not what she had anticipated and that she expected more meaningful dialogue, the woman offered to "talk now". Melissa declined and went back to the hotel. I left as soon as there was an opening, partly to check on Melissa, and partly because I was not going to be participating in the session.

Once I found her, she broke down in tears and shared with me how she felt about the whole ordeal. I didn't disagree. Once we were able to have a good talk about the whole fiasco, we were able to relax! I turned on the TV, but we chatted the night away instead. We had to decide what we were going to do about the rest of the retreat. It was clear at this point that finished it would just be setting ourselves up for more frustration and disappointed. We both agreed that we would not be attending any more of it the next day and would instead check out Nashville. Finally, we each snuggled into our own beds and slept like logs.

The next morning, we took our time and ordered room service for breakfast (a first for both of us!). 

Sidenote: Nashville is apparently famous for their fried biscuits and apple butter. If you ever go, make sure you get some! There are available at several places in town.

Heavenly!

Anyway, we packed up, checked out of the hotel and stepped into 4 inches of snow! It was beautiful and perfect for a downtown stroll. We took the rest of the afternoon to check out the town. We went into all kinds of little shops. Some had kitchen supplies, craft goods, men's gifts, bath goods, jewelry, bags, etc. We even got to do a wine tasting. Each wine was particularly tasty by the way. :-) The town was so quaint and picturesque I felt like we were in a Christmas movie! Once we felt like we had seen enough for one afternoon (and Melissa's poor tootsies were soaked from stepping in snowy puddles), we drove home. 

Melissa tasting wine

Overall, it was a very enjoyable getaway, particularly once we gave up on the retreat. It was fantastic to get away from things and have someone to talk to who really understands where I'm coming from. She has a similar education background, and while our experiences were not the same, they of course had some similarities. Turns out we both has the same excellent taste in movies and television. :-)

I don't even know what to say to sum up the retreat. The whole thing did not feel very professional. Only one person had a name tag. We did not know who else that was there was running things. There was no introduction to the retreat other than "all about Allen Smith". There was no talk of why we were there, or what they felt was the purpose of the retreat. We were made to understand that our meals would be taken care of. We were given a meal voucher for $12, even though the cheapest thing on the menu was $15.95. It's a small detail, but added to everything else was a bit irritating. A lot of it did not seem very sensitive to the particular needs and concerns survivors may have. The whole thing was a hot mess. The thing that bothered me the most is that this group (that shall remain nameless) should have known better. I'm not saying I'm an expert, but COME ON! We were certain we could have done better. And maybe we will. ;-) 

A special thank you to my dear friend Melissa for saving the weekend! I would have been much more upset had I been alone, or with someone less understanding! Thanks for reading!

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