I just finished reading "A Child Called It" by Dave Pelzer. I've heard of it before, and have had quite a few recommend it to me. I don't know why I waited so long to read it, but I finally bit the bullet. It is every bit as horrifying as it sounds and then some. Reading it was a bit like watching a train wreck: you can't look away.
For those unfamiliar, the book is written by a man who was horribly abused by his mother. It was considered the 3rd worst case of child abuse in California's history. Some of the things his mother did were shocking to me. She didn't "just" beat him. She starved him, burned him, poisoned him, stabbed him and more. I'm honestly shocked that he survived. As terrible as all of that is, the level of psychological abuse is truly unsettling. It's amazing to me that he was able to get his life together afterward.
Something else that startled me, is that this boy had a father present as well. He had 2 older brothers and later 2 younger brothers (who, it would seem, were not abused, at least nowhere near this level). At first, it would seem most of the abuse happened when the father was not around. But over time, he saw most of it. Although he "tried" to be helpful by sneaking him food and acknowledging him as a human being, he decided it would just be easier to get drunk and appease his wife.
I was obviously irate with his mother, but his father's actions made me even more angry. He could have taken that little boy and run. He could have saved him from all of it. But he didn't. He gave up.
At one point, Dave's mother stabbed him in the chest. He walked to his father, who was sitting in the living room. He told him to what his mother said. Dave wrote:
"I turned away. All my respect for Father was gone. The savior I had imagined for so long was a phony. I felt more angry at him that I did at Mother."
After a different occurrence:
"...I stared at Father who turned away to avoid my pain. At that moment I hated Mother to no end, but I hated Father even more. The man who had helped me in the past, just stood like a statue..."
Both of these statements really resonated with me. I don't hate my mother, but I do feel a lot of anger towards her. Regardless of whether or not she saw any sexual abuse, we were being abused in other ways and she did not protect us.
And I still don't feel like she sees that.
Another thing David talked about in passing, was his obsession with watching the clock. He knew that when his father got home that the particular situation he was in would end. This is something I often did as well.
Every Saturday, my mom would be gone for several hours grocery shopping. I would be at his mercy the whole time. But I knew that the longer I could stall, the longer I could put things off, and time would eventually run out. So I made it a point to track the time. It was the same thing at night time. I knew he had to let me go to bed eventually. I had school in the morning. So I felt like I could prevent things from progressing before time would run out. In some way, I think I felt like I had some tiny semblance of control by watching the clock.
That's all I have for now. I started another book called "The Ultimate Betrayal" by Audrey Ricker, PhD. It's all about the relationships between mother and daughter when the daughter has been sexually abused. So far, I am very impressed and highly recommend it.
Rachel
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