Since I'm sitting here struggling with this issue, I might as well stop avoiding it and talk about it. Besides, confession is good for the soul, right?
But before I get to that, let me say I have tested out of English both at Concordia and Ivy Tech. I got good grades in my favorite psychology classes. I love to learn and learn quickly. I am not stupid and I make a great employee. I'm great with "real" work. That being said...
I am a terrible student.
And I am horribly embarrassed by it. I started college in August 2004. I've taken off 2 semesters (not consecutive) since then but I still do not have any kind of degree. I cringe anytime some well meaning in-laws ask me how school is going. While I haven't talked about it with my MIL, she's figured out by now that I struggle. I'm sure the others wonder what my problem is.
So what is my problem?
I don't like homework. Geez, it sounds as pathetic typed out as it does in my head. I start almost every semester doing great. I get really good grades when I do the work. I'm not unintelligent. I'm not even sure why I don't like homework, because I love to learn!
I wish I could say this was a new problem, but it started back in 3rd grade, which is right around the time I first had homework. That's when I really started to struggle. I remember one day when I was so proud to actually have my homework done. At this point, the teacher expected me to not have it. So when she was collecting it, I told her I didn't get it done, and as she started to walk away, I said "Just kidding! Here it is!"
She didn't find it very amusing.
It just got worse from there, but in elementary school, teachers could make you stay in from recess and complete the work. Which was fine with me, by the way, because by 7th and 8th grade, a child's playground is not fun. It's very boring.
Anyway, I suspect this is part of the reason I felt unliked by my fellow students. They all got their work done. What was wrong with me?
High school became very difficult. There was no recess time to be used for homework. By my senior year, it was clear that I was barely going to graduate.
As proof that I wasn't stupid, I did pretty well on my ACT, with an overall score of 26 (I think I had a 29 in English...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ridiculously proud of these score. BTW, the average score in Michigan is 19). This coupled with the fact that my high school was staffed by Concordia alumni, somehow got me a spot at Concordia Ann Arbor. I was sure I would do much better there because I was away from all the problems at home. I didn't do better, and now I had the delicious freedom to skip class as well. I was great at going while I'm homework was still getting done, but when it wasn't, I was too ashamed to show my face. Concordia has very small class sizes, so the professors knew everyone by name. And then not going to class made it harder to go to class because I was ashamed about skipping. It was an ugly vicious cycle. It was great in the classes I did well in (also known as the most interesting to me), but embarrassing in the rest.
So I was put on academic probation several times. After four years, my husband graduated and we moved to Fort Wayne, IN so he could work on his master's. I started online classes through another Concordia. It was the same thing again. And even though I didn't have to see my classmates or my professor face-to-face, I started to skip the weekly chats. I got put on academic probation a couple times and then they told me to hit the road.
So now I'm taking classes at Ivy Tech...for an Associate's Degree. The most expensive Associate's Degree in history. I have all the requirements needed at Concordia for a psych degree, minus field work, a senior project, a science credit and the necessary number of credits. I took and passed all the psych classes though. But Ivy Tech doesn't offer a Bachelor's in Psychology, so I'm settling. I have to finish something and the way my grades are right now, another university like Purdue isn't going to touch me.
So there you have it. I am a terrible student. Once I post this, I need to get back to my homework because I feel myself losing momentum already. Making myself do the work is like pulling teeth...
Glad I got it all out...I think...
Rachel
Once you get your associates degree, and the pressure is off, you may be able to go back and finish a bachelors - one class at a time - and still have your earlier credits count.
ReplyDeleteI know the hating homework part. I'm lucky I had LOTS of people around me nagging me to do it, ever since I was a kid. Even now, the hubby will beat me over the head when I need it to get my grading or my homework done.
Its funny because while in school if I didn't like a teacher or a class, I was a horrible student but when I went to college I did so much better about the homework. Glad to see that I am not the only smart person to have trouble when it comes to actually completing homework. Keep your chin up and power thru!!!! I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm hoping for. I just need to feel like I'm able to accomplish something.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about your hubby! I got a lot better after we got married, oddly enough.
It's always good to know someone feels the same way, Ginger! Thanks for the encouragement!!
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I swear I could have written that! Down to the very last detail! I can't even put into words how much I hated school. I was even in the stupid "gifted and talented" program and I was allowed to skip 2nd grade. Most girls would SHINE with that much encouragement, but I hated every gut-wrenching, chalk-board-scratching minute of it. It was pretty early on that I saw the difference between actual learning and the insidious drone of the "dumbing down of America" that is the institutionalized school system. Whoever came up with that idea ought to be stoned. Like, with rocks, not weed. I wound up quitting school the summer after the 10th grade and got my GED a week later, started college while the rest of my class was beginning 11th grade, and then decided college was stupid, too, LOL. So, I moved to South Korea and had a couple babies, whom I decided to homeschool because I FREAKING HATE SCHOOL. Did I mention I hate school? Good. Because I do.
ReplyDeleteAimee, that is always my favorite comment: "I could have written the same thing!" OR "I was nodding my head through your whole post". lol
ReplyDeleteThe weird thing for me was that I didn't hate school. I liked getting away from my home. I like making friends. I liked {most} of my teachers. But like you, even with encouragement, I couldn't get it done.