Want to know what one of the worst after affects of child sexual abuse is?
It tears families apart.
I just got a lovely message from my baby sister (who is 16 by the way) that basically told me to hit the road and don't look back. She told me I was completely f***ed up by my past, and that I'm the one that should be in therapy, not our mom. She told me that I'm not treating my family the way they should be treated, particularly by not talking to mom, and that they are the ones who have supported me through everything. In reality, the past 9 months or so have been the hardest for me in healing. The most supportive and understanding people have come the most unlikely sources and my husband. But never from my family as a whole. One of my sisters understands better than the others and has always let me know I can talk to her, but that's about the extent of it. Whenever I talk to the rest of my sisters, I feel critisized in one way or another. Mom, on the other hand, just skirts around any potential issues. Not helpful. We grew up in a world of secrets, and not being able to talk about how we feel and skirting issues. It's time to get real.
Anytime I have an interaction with them, I end up in tears. My husband has had his fill. He said he hates seeing them hurt me over and over again. And I agree. My heart has been completely broken out and stomped on by them.
My blogger friend over at Pleasantly Demented has always had my back in this. She often reminds me that just because someone is related to you, doesn't mean they have the right to treat you with disrespect, or to demand respect from you without earning it. This is a difficult lesson to soak in when you've been raised to have absolute respect for your parents, but I think it's starting to sink in...
That's all I've got for now. No deep insight. Just hurt.
Rachel
Once you are able to really wrap your head around that concept, it's incredibly liberating. That regardless of blood, you DO NOT HAVE TO surround yourself with people who treat you like shit. When it's wrong, it's wrong. Period. You're an amazing person, and you deserve to be surrounded by people who know that.
ReplyDeleteUn like you my parents and sister have been very supportive. But i have other family members who have not. THey have made me feel horrible, and have been just rotten un willing to listen kind of people. You never want to cut people out of your life. But if all they're making you do is cry then really what are you losing? To me a family member would have ur best interest at heart and if they dont... then theyre just another person in the world. Ive point blank said that certain members will never be welcome in my home, will never come to my wedding etc... they may be blood but theyre not my family. family cares. I know its not always that simple. And whatever you decide to do with this situation I support u. Just know that you deserve better and theres a non blood family here that wont make you cry ;)
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