Jesus and E.T.

Last Friday night I had some more drama with my family. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but I will say I was feeling particularly in need of comfort. Studdly Hubby was there for me, but I needed some extra nurturing. So I headed to the tub for a bubble bath. I put on some music and lit some candles to help me relax.

I wanted to do some "Inner Work" -  to go to a place of healing and beauty. It took me a while to get to my "happy place". My mind kept wandering from one thing to another, but eventually, I stepped into that familiar landscape.

The first thing I noticed was how I looked. Everything was normal, except for a light shining through my chest. The best way I can think to describe is going to sound a bit blasphemous, so bear with me. Have you ever seen that painting of Jesus where his heart is shining through his robes? No? Here's the one I'm talking about:

Now, do you remember the end of Steven Spielberg's "E.T" when E.T.'s heart starts to glow? Here's a reminder:

I think you see where I'm going with this. Combine the two, and you'll get an idea of what I was seeing. I felt like my heart was glowing through my chest, like it's only protection was tissue paper thin. It felt exposed, but very alive. I looked up, and my "actual self" was standing in her usual place, beckoning me to come closer. Her heart was glowing and exposed as well. 

We embraced, heart to heart. She reassured me that it was ok for my heart to feel like that. After years of numbing myself physically and emotionally, it was time for my heart to come back to life! 

Maybe that's why I've been especially emotional lately. I'm opening my heart and it's allowing me to feel on a whole new level. I feel like I'm PMSing all the time, minus the agitation. I cried during a cat food commercial, I cried when Lauren sand a song to her mother on American Idol, I cried when I read an article about the deadly tornado in Missouri and I cried when Rachel and Curt got to sing on a Broadway stage on Glee. Today, I felt like our typical little jokes were just a little funnier. I felt a little more light hearted and silly. And don't tell anyone, but I even enjoyed sex a little more! 

Could this be the start of yet another chapter in my healing journey? Or was it that extra cup of coffee I had this morning? Time will tell!

Rachel

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