Weeping - Inner Child Work

For this to make sense, it may be helpful to read this post first.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I am back in my safe place. I notice that the sand is soft, without any branches or stones. Just as I get comfortable, I am surrounded by a devastatingly sad weeping. I know that it is coming from over the ridge. Once I there, I see myself at 5 years old. I'm wearing blue pajamas and holding my plush Little Foot doll. "She" looks up at me and takes me by the hand. We walk together to the same cellar doors from before. 

I am several steps down the stairs. I turn and look up at the opening, and see 5-year old me watching. Suddenly, I am walking down the stairs of my family's old rental home on Arbor Ave. When I was still living there, my room was in the basement. I walked to where my room was, and saw myself around 17 years old, in my waitress uniform. She is on the floor next to my bed, crying. Not a soft sobbing, but a gut wrenching, body encompassing weeping. I reach out to her and hold her, letting her cry for a few minutes. I keep trying to leave, but she doesn't seem to want me to. I finally feel ok to leave.

I open my eyes and I am back in my therapist's office. My face is wet with tears that I couldn't hold back during my experience in the basement. I share with my therapist what happened, and described how difficult it was for me to leave. She suggested I go back and see if Rachel had something for me. 

I took a deep breath and struggled to return to the basement. I was somewhat afraid to back to a place where I knew there was so much pain. Eventually I was able to go back. Rachel is still there, sobbing. I try to comfort her by telling her "It's ok." She goes on about how overwhelmed she is. She feels like is actually on the brink of her sanity. I continue to try to tell her it's ok, but she doesn't want to hear it. I finally am quiet, and let her cry and share her pain. I hold her and tell her to let it all out. While she was crying, I realized I was too. The tears were flowing over my face, and down my neck. I finally let go and came back, reaching for the Kleenexes.

I tried to go back again tonight. I tried to relax my mind, but it was all over the place. I may try again tomorrow, but for now, Rachel knows I will be back.

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