I had a birthday recently. I am now 26 years old. Once it happened, I realized on was on the "other side" of 25. I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20. I can't explain, but this birthday brought an internal shift. I finally feel like an adult as opposed to a young girl playing house. I no longer feel like a "young adult". So what's the significance of that?
Baby fever.
Yep, it's back. There are several factors that play into that. For one, I always thought I would be done having children by the time I was 30. If you do the math: 3 kids+2 parents graduated from school+2 stable jobs-4 years=Not gonna happen in that time frame. Unless I have triplets when I'm 29. Which, given the option, I'd rather a have a couple in my 30's!!
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| *cozy* |
Also, the weather is turning colder. I also get into a "nesting" mood this time of year. I want to make my home as pleasant and cozy as I can for us. I want home-cooked meals and weekends spent at home with Studdly Hubby. And I want a family. Speaking of which, I also feel even more secure in my relationship with Studdly Hubby's family. Not that they've ever given me reason not to, but when you learn early on that family isn't to be trusted or depended on it makes it difficult to form those bonds. But it does my heart so much good to be with them, and I know that if we had a child, it would be a beautiful addition to that family. I feel like I belong, and that's important to me. So often I feel like an alien in this world...Along the same lines as family and cool weather is the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas tie together those bonds of coziness and kids and grandparents in a big way, and I'm not immune to it. So much of the magic of Christmas is for children and I miss that. I try to create a romantic Christmas for us, to value this time we have without children, but something is missing, more so now than at the beginning of our marriage. That had a magic all its own.
Also, I wanted to go to Disney World before we had children. So we did. We both want to be done with school. I should be done in Spring. It's not lost on me that if I were to get pregnant now, I would be a college graduate by the time baby was here. Although Aaron will be done in a year and a half. That's really close! Should I start taking pre-natal vitamins now? Should we start saving for a baby now? Should I talk to my ob-gyn about what I need to start doing to be as healthy as possible before we get pregnant? Maybe if I could be doing some of these things now, it would make the wait easier. It would give it a different meaning. The other major thing we are waiting for is for Studdly Hubby to get a good secure job. That can't happen until he graduates, and even then we don't really know how soon it will happen. We've got our hopes up about some things, so we'll see how all that goes.
Anyway, that's where I am right now. I feel calm, peaceful and ready.
Rachel
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