Losing My Trust

So here's a fun twist. I woke up this morning and checked out Facebook on my phone, as I do every morning. My cousin had posted this link to a news story.

In a nutshell, it's about a man who was arrested on charges of possessing and distributing child pornography. According to investigators, he was "considered the largest and most active trader using peer-to-peer software". Horrifying, right? Awesome that they caught him, right? Agreed. 

Although I find myself especially horrified because I know this man. He was a year behind me in our small grade school. Because we went to a small parochial school, two grades shared a classroom, so we were in the same classroom every other year. We grew up together in a sense. I can recall chasing him around the playground. I had a little bit of a crush on him for awhile. And we've been friends on Facebook for several years now. Well, until this morning.

I can't say I know him well enough to offer any kind of judgement on his character, but I can't help but be stunned by this. Of all the people that I would have even slightly thought capable of a fraction of the horrific nature of something like this, he never would have crossed my mind.

At first, I felt appropriately removed from this story. I didn't really know him that well. But the more I thought about it, the more upset I became. I started to realize I'm losing my trust in people.

I was talking about this with Aaron tonight and he would claim that I already don't trust people. I disagreed. I  told him I think I am a very trusting person, especially all things considered. He reminded me that I don't depend on people. While that's true, there is a difference between trusting people to follow through on things and trusting them to not harm me or my loved ones. What I'm talking about is the latter. 

Part of this is also brought on by the Penn State scandal coverage. Sandusky was a man people were supposed to be able to trust. No one suspected anything like that was going on. Supposedly, some people were shocked by my own story when it first came out. And the late-to-the-party icing on the cake, Aaron's dad is a pedophile too. I most certainly never suspected him of such a thing before it came out.

So who can I really trust? And how does this play out in my life? I'm not worried about myself. I'm strong. If someone tries to take advantage of me, they're not going to get far. Same goes for my husband. But I want a family someday. I want to have children. I feel ready for that, but I worry about how I'm going to live with the constant fear that they will be victimized by someone we know. But even without children, and without being frightened for my own safety, its a scary thought that we are working and living around these closet perverts. 

Wouldn't it be great if they all had some kind of symbol on their foreheads so we could identify them instantly? 

I'm so frustrated by this whole thing. I've always seen myself as someone who believes there is a lot of good in this world despite the evil I've experienced. I still want to believe that, but it's getting harder. I've struggling with my sense of self in general lately, but that's another soon-to-come post.

Please, can someone give me another perspective on any of this?

Rachel

Penn State

On occasion, I discover that I live under a rock. I didn't hear anything about the Penn State Sex  Abuse scandal until this week. I finally caught the gist of it yesterday, and sat down to read the whole story today. I thought this summed it up pretty well. (Thank to Dana McNulty for sending it my way!)

I am blown away.

Who knew Einstein was so wise outside
of science?

There are several things that strike me about this whole thing. One: Why is there so much focus on Joe Paterno? Why did I know his name before I knew Sandusky's? Is it because he is was such a successful football coach? Because he is so beloved? These reports were ignored over and over and over again, by multiple individuals. Paterno did report what he had been told to Penn State Security. It was the right first step. And then he went on his merry way, absolved of any legal responsibility.  Should he have reported it the police? Absolutely. Should he have made enough noise that the reports couldn't be ignored and had to be investigated fully? ABSOLUTELY. But what about the two men who were the heads of security and failed to report if to the police? All they did was basically say "If you're going to be raping, molesting and sodomizing boys, please don't do it here! Stick to your organization for at-risk youth (The Second Mile)!" They turned a blind eye. It seems obvious that they knew something was going on, since they took enough action to cover their own butts, and failed to do even that. Yes, they are being charged with a felony, but where is the media coverage of all this? What about the eyewitnesses? Why didn't they report it to the police? 

One of the other things that horrified me was when I discovered that Sandusky started and remained an active participant in The Second Mile, a non-profit organization for at-risk youth. I'll give you a second to let that sink in. Got it? Ok. It's horrifying to think that he was using this group as his own personal harem of young boys. With that in mind, I think this is an excellent time to visit things parents need to be on the lookout for. Sandusky was someone that it appeared could be trusted. After all, he was trying to help children. Surely he wouldn't hurt them, right? We can trust him to be alone with our children without any questions or scrutiny, right? WRONG. I'm not blaming the parents of these boys. Someone who should have been trust worthy took advantage of his position. But we can learn from this and prevent it from happening to other children. Jen Bushore-Barry, Director of Heartford House, a neutral, child-friendly place in Lafayette for children to be interviewed when there have been abuse allegations, directed me to "Darkness To Light". It is an excellent program aimed at preventing child sexual abuse. They offer 7 "common sense" steps that we all need to be reminded of. PLEASE take a moment to check it out. You don't have to be a parent to utilize some of it. We all need to watch out for each other and each other's children. If you don't have time to read it now, bookmark and come back to it as soon as you can. Please make it a priority. 

I hope Sandusky is put away for a long time. Actually, I think a life sentence in these cases is not extreme. I hope Penn State is fully investigated to see who all knew about these allegations and chose not to act or to cover it up and are punished accordingly. I hope other institutions, not just universities, take this opportunity to investigate how they handle these kinds of situations and in-service their staff on it. 

Finally, I'll leave you with this thought from the Journal and Courier:

"Here's a hypothetical situation. What would do if you're walking through your factory floor or office hallways and you spot a supervisor jabbing a knife into one of your customers or the mailroom clerk?

If you said anything other than call 911 or do something else to immediately make the carnage stop, you might want to check your priorities - and perhaps your spine.

So why is it when someone spots a colleague or a supervisor - or anyone else, for that matter - committing an act of sexual violence against a child, the instinct is to follow some sort of workplace protocol?"

Rachel