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| This if from the movie "Constantine" AMAZING wings on the angel Gabriel |
Angel wings are one of my favorite images in the whole world. They are beautiful, soft and powerful all at once. I remember reading a story in Reader's Digest when I was much younger. The main character had survived a fire. She credited angels for her safety. She said that in the middle of the fire, she felt strong wings envelop her, protecting her from the flames.
That story really stuck with me. I can vividly recall lying on my bed in the basement, feeling afraid and vulnerable. My stepdad would often come to my room at night when I was asleep, kneel next to my bed and reach under the covers to touch me. I would wake up, but pretend to stay asleep, and turn the other way. He would then kneel on the other side of the bed and try again. This could go on for awhile. For a long time it was important for me to sleep with my sheets well tucked in.
In those times when I was so afraid, I would imagine an angel, holding me in his arms and wrapping his massive wings around me so that I was fully enveloped. It was incredibly comforting and was often enough to lull me to sleep.
Today, I was feeling especially stressed out about family things (I'll write about that another time). So I decided to take a bath, without the distraction of my Netflix. I had a lot to work through in my mind, so I lit some candles and played my "Relax" playlist on my iTunes.
This song was a bit more upbeat than the others and reminded me of running. Suddenly, in my mind, I was a little girl, I was running through a wooded area, and my stepdad was right behind me with his hands on me. I continued running, then jumped, kicking back against him and suddenly found myself flying through the air, sans wings. Once in the air I was an adult and had Aaron by my side. We were holding hands and flying through the sky. I looked back and saw that my stepdad had been knocked down by my kicking and appeared unconscious. The rest of my family was running along, as if though they too were trying to fly, but couldn't make the jump.
On an unrelated note, I have found another blogger who is a survivor of sexual assault. I "met" her through a mutual friend. Even though our experiences are very different, I feel like we have an understanding of each other. It's amazing to actually talk to someone who "gets" things that you generally don't talk about, but instantly recognize in someone else. Dancing in the Moonlight is the name of her blog, and you can read it here.
She also came across this quote the other day and said it reminded her of me:
"I swore never to be silent whenever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." - Elie Wiesel
That one's going on the Quote Page. :-)
Rachel
Once again, I think you are incredibly brave to open up about your childhood, and incredibly strong to have grown into the woman you are in spite of it. If you've never read Dave Pelzer's book "A Child Called It," I highly recommend it. I read it several years ago and remember being completely dumbstruck by the fact that this man is not only functional, but extraordinarily so.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/Child-Called-Childs-Courage-Survive/dp/1558743669
Thanks Aimee. I've seen his book but haven't gotten the courage to read it yet. I think I could handle it now though.
ReplyDeleteI'm also thinking I should have added reading to my list of goals for the year! I have a couple that were recommended to me sitting around, as well as the Harry Potter books (haven't read any, but enjoy the movies) and another one I need to order that was recommended to me. I think I'll start reading tonight!