A Controversial Post

I was watching Inside Edition today (a quality news program ;-) ) as they covered the story of a 6 year old girl getting a full-body pat down at an airport. 

Click here for the original story. 

The little girl protested as respectfully as she could, "I don't want to do it, thank you!" but she was obviously very upset. All the while, her mother stood by. I'm not blaming the mother here. I can only imagine she felt helpless and it all happened very fast.  I would like to think that I would demand to see a manager and request that something else be done, but I wasn't there.

On the other hand, I just watched the video for a second time. The security officer explains to the mother that the child needs a pat down. She summons the little girl over, and lets the officer take over. That's it. No explanation, no comfort. If she could have at least explained what was going on and why in a way appropriate for a 6 year old to understand, this could have been a very different situation. So maybe I am blaming the mother for her inaction.

I understand from a security standpoint why children can't be let through unchecked. I don't understand why she couldn't be sent through the scanner instead. It would seem like this would be adequate. TSA did say that they used a "modified pat-down". Number 1: It didn't look any different in the video. Number 2: TSA did not share why a pat down was required and the scan was not sufficient.

A couple of things went through my mind when I watched this story. For one, I felt very, very uncomfortable watching the little girls's protests go completely ignored. At the same time, I was really proud of her for speaking up at all. Even though she was frightened, and this was clearly a person in authority, she said no, more than once. 

As parents, I think one of the most important things we can do for our children is to teach them that their bodies are their own. They should treat them with respect and expect respect. If your daughter doesn't like hugs from Uncle Bob, as parents, we should respect that and not force her to hug him. If Uncle Bob doesn't understand, that's ok. Uncle Bob is not your concern, your son/daughter is. 

I believe corporal punishment plays into this as well. I know that spanking/slapping is a very controversial issue, although I still haven't heard a good reason for why it should be acceptable. 

• "Well that's how I was raised and how my parents were raised!" So, because it's always been that way that makes it right? Not buying it. We'd all still have slaves if that logic held up. 
• "I got over it and turned out fine." Well, it's possible to get over all kinds of wrong doings. That doesn't mean they weren't still wrong.
• "They won't listen to anything me otherwise." There's a reason that all they respond to is this kind of punishment. Because that's the kind you use. Good parenting requires patience. (I'm not saying if you spank you're necessarily a bad parent btw, I just disagree.)

There are other reasons I think corporal punishment is a bad idea. I believe that if you are going to use this approach, the punishment should never be administered while angry. You're going to do it harder than you should.

I also don't see the point. If you break the rules, you will be physically punished by your parent. Shouldn't the punishment fit the crime? Let's say a child took something from the neighbors that he knew he shouldn't have. I think it's a great idea to march that child and the stolen item right over to the neighbor, have him give it back and apologize. If the child is getting bad grades at school, take away some privileges so that the time spent playing video games is spent studying. 

I also believe that every child is different and therefore motivated differently. For example, if someone gave me positive feedback for something I did, I would then do it 10-fold (and I still work that way to this day). For a child like me, that is the best way to motivate them to do the right thing. Other children may need to lose privileges, or allowance or spend some time in time-out. You have to find what works for your child, before giving up and resorting to a punishment that makes no sense. 

Time out. 

My point is, by using corporal punishment on a child, you are not teaching them anything positive about their bodies. You teach them that a parent's touch doesn't always feel loving or affectionate. If you don't explain why they are receiving the punishment, then you just teach them that mom/dad is mean. And all children should know that love never equals pain.

I know that many of you are going to disagree with the second part of this point. That's ok. We can agree to disagree. Others will point out that I don't have children of my own, which is a fair point. I don't think I will change this stance on punishments when I do have them, but I may better understand why a parent would resort to spanking.

Maybe this should have been two separate posts, however, I feel like the topics are related. Children should learn respect for their own bodies from a young age, but first, we need to show them respect.

Rachel

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