What's up with my mood...

If you've been following along with my blog for the past couple months, you know I've been having some mood issues. I've got really depressed, but have been slowly coming back out of it. A week ago, I had what I believe was a very small panic attack at work. I was worried about several things, and they all just started to get to me at once. I felt like my throat was closing in on me. Once I became aware of that, I started to panic even more and my breathing became more shallow. I talked to Aaron on the phone for a minute and had to fight back tears. I didn't want to lose control of my emotions at work. So I kept on doing my job the best I could, but eventually ended up in the bathroom, standing over the sink and just letting the tears drip down, sobbing silently. I started to feel better after that, but was really shaken by the whole experience.

Thankfully, I had therapy the following Monday. This gave me a chance to really explore what was going on. Back in March, I had a frightening experience during my inner work. I faced my dad, somewhat unexpectedly, and made some valiant speech about how I was going to overcome him, be victorious, blah blah blah. Because I had some other things to focus on after that, I took a bit of a break from the inner work. 

But it's still been lingering in the back of my brain. And I'm really nervous about the whole thing. I'm nervous about facing him and I'm nervous about what will change afterward. Change is always scary, but fear of the unknown is even worse.

So to follow the "panic attack", I had the lovely family issues to deal with. It's no wonder I feel tired sometimes...

*Side note - I tried to Google images of women juggling things to make some kind of comment about all the things I'm juggling emotionally and they were all pictures of happy women, juggling very successfully. Come on!! I know I'm not the only that feels otherwise!!* 

Rachel

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