What I Haven't Been Blogging About

There is a topic that has been lingering on behind the back burner. It's not something I had to worry about, but a week or so ago, it was nudged forward. Aaron's father is currently serving time in prison for molesting children. He didn't deny that it happened and is remorseful. 

Which way am I supposed to go?!
My life feels really complicated sometimes.

We found out sometime before we got married what had been going on. Aaron didn't even want to tell me. The court case I had gone through was still very fresh. I was stunned. I had no clue how to even deal with this revelation and so I didn't. Since then, I've encouraged Aaron in his relationship with his dad. He's visited him in prison and written to him occasionally. This I've supported 100%.  The time came when Aaron expressed a desire for me to come with him to visit his father. This I was absolutely not comfortable with. I felt guilty for saying no, because I knew it would mean a lot to Aaron to have me with him there, but I couldn't do it.

The last letter we received mentioned that he would be out of prison by next summer. I knew then that Aaron and I were going to have to talk about how we were going to deal with that. At the end of the letter, he may some comment referring to the fact that he would be struggling a bit financially. I knew then/worried that Aaron would want to help him out. Sure enough, he came to me later and said he would like to help him buy a computer, as that is an interest they have in common. I wasn't sure how to respond yet, so I didn't.

I finally approached Aaron last night and let him know I was concerned and that I felt like we needed a plan for how we are going to navigate that relationship when the time comes. We didn't completely agree with my view points, but understood why I felt the way I did. This is something that is very emotional and difficult for both of us. It breaks my heart to see him in this position. He loves both a perpetrator and a victim. By the end of the conversation, we hadn't really resolved anything, but Aaron did agree to come to therapy with me so that we could discuss it further with an unbiased third party to help mediate.

It's at times like these when I reflect on 2 points. 1 - Life can be really unfair. It totally sucks that we even have to deal with this. I can't even imagine how Aaron must feel, partly because he doesn't really talk about it much. 2 - I am so grateful for the relationship we have. Even though I cried and the look on Aaron's face told me how he was feeling, we kept calm and communicated our points without yelling at each other. Even though he wasn't feeling particularly affectionate immediately after, we moved passed it and laughed together that same night.

I really do love that man.

Rachel

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