A Key

I've really been trying to make an effort to do some inner work while doing some physical work as well. Tonight had the apartment all to myself, so I knew I wouldn't be interrupted. It's really hard to calm down my brain and focus anyway, so being alone can sometimes be helpful. 

I started by taking a bath and playing some relaxing music. I then started doing some Vaginismus work, which involves inserting a vaginal dilator. I closed my eyes, and drifted off to my happy place. I reminded myself that if things didn't work, it would be ok. When there was pain, I allowed myself to stop. Eventually, I was able to insert it easily. Once I had achieved this, I wondered down the ledge toward the cellar doors. Around this time, a new song started playing that featured the sound of waves. I suddenly found myself standing in my safe place, with water sloshing over my feet. I looked out onto a large body of water, with no other land in sight. In the past, there had been no water at all, even though I believed it was a beach. Water can sometimes represent feminine power, so I imagine it had to do with my success in Vaginismus work; something about taking charge of my own sexuality.  

Anyway, I suddenly realized that I was a younger version of myself, around 6 years old maybe. But I was dressed in a white flowy dress with flowers in my hair, which is exactly how I was dressed before. I wanted to go to the cellar doors. I looked behind me and saw my actual self. I took her hand (or she took mine?) and we made our way through the doors and down the stairs. As a child, I looked up at the doors, which were still bound by chains. I couldn't even reach them. I looked over at my actual self and asked for her help. She crouched down to my level, and handed me a key. I looked up at the chains, not sure what to do. I looked again to my actual self for guidance. I was anxious to get through the doors. I had a feeling that whoever was on the other side was going to be a friend. She just smiled, and we left, but, as always, with the promise to return.

I believe I have the key to open those doors. I fear letting loose those locked up emotions still, my inner demons. It just isn't time yet. I now have the key, but can't reach the lock. *sigh* The doors will open when the time is right. I know I'm close!

Thanks for reading, and for your support!

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